I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
