All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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