all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
is wine microwaveable?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
