why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The uberlube is also flammable
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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