Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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