DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
