Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
