I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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