If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So much Jack, so little girl.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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