i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
