why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I want is dick and wine.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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