i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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