We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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