And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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