Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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