is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
