I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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