Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
