It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
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Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
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why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
ok first of all what the fuck
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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