Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
