Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
