I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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