eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
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She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
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Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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