Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
