I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
