i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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