Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
