i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
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Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
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As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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