She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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