Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
