and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
