she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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