I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
