dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
