you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
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It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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