the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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