I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
