I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
