Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
