By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
