i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
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Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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