Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
