gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
