Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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