she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
