He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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