If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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