My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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