you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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