hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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