There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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