wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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