The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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