Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Congratulations! We have a period
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
