i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
COCAINE IS GR8
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