Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize