yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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