Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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