I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
